she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Randomize
