I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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