So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
