did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
