the new term for farting is butt boxing.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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