Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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