It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
