I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Oh god it's open bar.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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