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WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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