I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
