great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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