Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
