i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
