***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
