if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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