my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He has the fingertips of a God
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