I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
