im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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