i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
