Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
why do cheetos always look like penises
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
