I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
