Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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