She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
