just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
