remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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