I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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