how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
you inspire me to be a worse person
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Randomize
