dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
