she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
