when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
