All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
