I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize