i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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