I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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