The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
