Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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