You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I smell stomach acid.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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