So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
