there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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