I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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