he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
