i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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