Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
