They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
