I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
