my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
