Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize