Swine flu. Run for my life!
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
