Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
