I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
