I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
