her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
