i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
