there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
