thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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