How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
