We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
