i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
