I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
