Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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