she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
