That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
