how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
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