Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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