also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
