I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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