I'm gonna have a badass scar
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
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