I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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