Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
This is my gift to your gina
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
