I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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