im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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