just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
