I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
