Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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