I haven't been this sober since birth.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
