I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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