my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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