God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
