Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
