so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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