sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
