Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
