EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
