I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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