Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
