dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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