I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
