I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
