Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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