you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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