We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
