So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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