No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
