i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
ugly people sure do ruin things
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
