I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My breasts were aching with rage.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize