Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
