listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
