Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize