if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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