Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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