Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
