im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Help. Why am I so naked?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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