he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
