but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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