he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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