Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
