I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
