Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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