She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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