he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
