Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
