Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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