Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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