I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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