If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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