whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
