Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
